Inventing Design Patterns

We've got a BIG problem - we don't know how to solve it. Let's invent a Design Pattern!

It seems that the number of Design Pattern inventors has increased dramatically over the last years. Design Patterns are not a standardization and productivity technique or tool anymore, they have become that ultimate "I can fix everything" thing.

Although there are a lot of Design Patterns published, there is no other way for the God-like programming gurus (every company has at least one of them) than inventing new ones. All the time. "Hey I think, I've invented a new Design Pattern."

So what qualifies you to be a real good Design Pattern inventor? Let's have a closer look on that.

1. You know the GoF - It's the Gang of F... Four? Was it Four? Or Five? Doesn't matter! YOU know them! In person! But the most important thing about this is: You must never remember their names! It's the GoF! They have no names! Ah and by the way: Robert C. Martin, Kent Beck, Martin Fowler and all the other never existed!
   
2. You know that they wrote a book. You know it was called "Design Patterns - ... bla bla bla somewhat". And you also know: It's THE book about Design Patterns. There are also no others.
3. You know it contains the Singleton Pattern. And this was the starting point of your career (as a Design Pattern inventor)
4. You know only the Singleton.
5. The first thing you invented was a Statleton / Staticton / Staticleton, you know, this Singleton that loses it's getInstance() method for performance reasons and maintainability - just to reduce the boiler plate code. (Sure, others would call it a static class, but you call it Staticleton) Read the linked post and you know, what we are talking about - and thanks to Steve Yegge again.

So boy, let me tell you some stupid words:

Design Patterns are common practice. You invented common practice? On your own? And you're the only one who uses it?

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - That's why I call you the God programmer.

Design Patterns are OO - and that's not that o.O you're doing at the moment, when reading this. Try this one.

Boy, you should have understood at least the 23 Design Patterns named by the GoF. You should also have understood that not all of them are good pratice (anymore). Your task: Find out which ones. You should also have understood that the biggest collection of Design Patterns is called Functional Programming Languages.

And please keep yourself informed. Then you will see that there are so many "new" Design Patterns out there and new ones getting published all the time. Maybe you will publish one of these new appearing Design Patterns in the next years. Maybe you also initiate the usage of a new Design Pattern. But you won't never ever be it's inventor for real.